Well at least in my world anyway, well and seemingly in the way I ate them, well rather how many I ate. Which as I’ve now realised, was a lot.
After giving off about the way that all the healthy eating programs magically appear on TV in the new year it seems I succumbed to the health fest.
Well at least in my own little way.
I started to buy fruit, scary stuff.
The problem is of course that when I start to eat a packet of something I tend to finish it, in this case I believe I ate around 50 oranges in less than two weeks.
—HMMM what an idiot—
What!? they are fun to eat. I like peeling several at once, separating them into their individual pieces and arranging them along the bottom of my keyboard. Then eating them in order of something, usally size or softness.
—O.K. thats distrubing—
Maybe so but I thought they were the ideal geek snack- Tasty, cheap, requires little preparation and they won’t turn you into lard.
—yeah just a sore-throated mess– SSSHHH! more on that later
They look so innocent don’t they.
Well the oranges that started the trouble were not eaten at home.
I was at work, on the till, it wasn’t busy, I was bored, of course.
I had grown bored with drawing smiley faces on the petrol receipts, something few of the other staff find amusing. So like anyone who is bored at work I purchased a crate of oranges.
I say crate, it was more like a small plastic tub, but it had about maybe 15-20 oranges in it. These I proceeded to eat throughout the five hour shift.
Becoming aware my throat was tingly, I did what all wise men do, ate another orange. Eventually the inevitable happened, I swallowed a pip. Which is a scary enough experience at it is, a bit like finding someone else’s tooth in your toasted marshmallow just as you swallow and realising there’s nothing you can do to stop it going down.
—aren’t analogies supposed to be simpler than what they explain?—
Ok fine, its like when you parents put disprin in orange juice when you were a kid and told you it was Fanta, oh the disillusionment.
The thing was this pip kinda hurt going down, more so than usual. Like when you eat a cocktail sausage, stick and all.
–seriously your crap analogies are starting to get old, like those jokes your dad tells to everyone he meets– Er ?
Anyhow to cut a quickly growing old story short, I ended up with what seemed like a pain-full swollen oesophagus for a week after eating those oranges. Scared to eat one since, think I have had inadvertently brought on an allergic reaction.
In other news, I’m back at Uni. Went in to today to my lab class to spot a note on the lab door saying “January 27th, Lab class cancelled”, dispite the fact it was the 28th, idiots.
Rectified the note by changing the 27 to 28 and writing “you idiot!” above it, helped to soften the blow of being shown endless Youtube videos of modified Mario levels for the next two hours.